"MC Snookums"
by Stephanie Evans
At exactly 3:26pm today, a rabbit wearing a large clock around his neck and sporting a pimp cane emerged from his hole hidden behind Mrs. Johnson's bird bath. MC Snookums, as he was appropriately called, was immediately scooped up by Billy, the 8-year-old neighbor boy whose nose constantly dripped with snot, which he licked from his top lip every 2 minutes.
Billy, known for eating abundant amounts of raw cookie dough, felt oddly accomplished as he carried the tricked out rabbit to his grandfather, whom he has always wanted to impress, especially after the incident last Wednesday involving Billy's gum and Grandpa's toupee.
Billy ran home, MC Snookums held tightly in his arms.
As soon as Grandpa saw the rabbit, he remembered his Great Aunt Suza's recipe for rabbit stew, and other childhood memories, like the time his mother and father gave him a baby doll for his 10th birthday after he cried and begged for one since he had received yet another baseball for Christmas that year. Grandpa's eyes started to tear up, not only from the happy memories of long ago, but also from the dander on MC Snookums. Dander, which he was allergic to, and which killed his sister.
At 4:08pm, Grandpa killed MC Snookums and quickly started to skin, clean, and cut him up in pieces for rabbit stew. He also decided to steam fresh vegetables and make a batch of cornbread for the meal. He was always taught to eat meals full of color. Billy helped.
At 6:42pm, Grandpa and Billy sat down to eat. The food was delicious.
Unfortunately, snot, corn meal, and rabbit meat are a lethal combination.
At 7:05pm, Billy died of food poisoning.
6 minutes later, Grandpa died of a broken heart and a guilty conscience.
Everybody knows that rabbit meat has no nutritional value anyway.