untiled
by Tyler Carlson
i heard laminin’s just a 21st century shroud of turin
or a thirty thousand dollar visage burned in grilled cheese
and since you still believe God can cure us of the plague
i'm forced to tell you God bless you every time you sneeze
and i know they told you we were all meant for this
like all bullets are meant to kill
but i'm getting a sense their sense of purpose
is overcoming my sense of free will
and i've been told waiting is probably
the most time consuming thing a human can do
and i know i used to bargain with the dream world in the currencies of fear and pleasure
but now i stuck it all somewhere safe to let interest accrue until i retire from everything
and these dreams of drudge and profit margin are slightly better than no dreams at all
so i'll take it
and i'll stand where the lightning hit once already
just to be safe
because i know the clouds made a promise not to strike twice in the same spot when i'm around
i heard they find it funny that my entire life has conformed to all probabilistic rules of thumb
and i would be quite literally damned if i was for once the exception
and i heard somewhere it is more dangerous to drive a car than to fly
so i wonder how safe my flying car will be
and when i’ll finally be able to buy it
and if i can get leather seats
yesterday i tried to download a new app for my iPhone
that scans a person's soul and tells you whether it is destined for heaven or hell
they said they were still trying to work the bugs out
i can see why the testing process would be difficult
but i hope they release it soon so we won't have to wonder anymore
i think they should make a windshield wiper speed setting
that automatically sway to the beat of the song on my stereo
this request does not seem unreasonable
is this not the 21st century? where is the peace of mind i was promised?